Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude

When parents are asked what they want most for their child in life, many respond “happiness”.

The field of positive psychology has been researching what contributes to feelings of happiness. Not surprising, a strong sense of gratitude is one of the components. Research shows that grateful kids are happier kids. Children who practiced gratitude were more satisfied with their lives, more optimistic, and more satisfied with their school experiences, family and friends and were less materialistic, less envious of others, and less depressed than those children who did not practice gratitude.

Gratitude is simply the feeling of thankfulness and the expression of appreciation- both a feeling and a behavior.

The impact of consumerism
Children growing up in the U.S. are coming of age in a highly consumer driven culture, which is highly evident around the holidays. It is important to acknowledge that our children are targeted as consumers and as a result will have an increased expectation for material objects. Children who have most or all of their wants met are very likely to develop a false sense of entitlement with unrealistic expectations on the realities of life. 

Begin by clarifying in your mind what is a “want” versus a “need".  Meeting your child's health and safety needs along with the five critical needs is essential. "Wants" can certainly add to the quality of life, but be sure to balance your child's "wants" within the context of life's- and your- reasonable limitations. It is essential that we allow children to express their wants for material objects. Allowing this form of self-expression meets your child's critical emotional need to feel accepted. After listening and acknowledging the feeling, we can then take the opportunity say "no" and explain why. When saying “no” to any "want”, it is important to do so in a way that honors the five critical needs. As your child's gratitude grows, your child will be less focused on requesting material objects.

Model an attitude of gratitude
Since children learn best through observation, it is essential that the adults in their lives take a “less is more” approach to their own life. Time spent together should be based on experiences- such as trips to the library or local pool rather than spent in shopping malls every weekend.

Openly expressing your gratefulness for the actions of another person that you appreciated is a great way for children to learn about gratitude. When parents “walk” through a current situation and talk about the thoughtfulness of the person and how their time, effort, consideration, etc. benefited them- kids gain a deeper understanding of what gratitude is.

• Volunteer- Making regular contributions to the community at large can be a great way to make an impression with children.
• Keeping a gratitude journal where children and family members record what they were grateful for during the day or past week.
• Sharing thanks before meals or sharing "3 good things that happened today" before bedtime are great ways to incorporate gratitude into your daily life.

Be wary of praise
Joan Grusec (1992), a developmental psychologist, found that young children who received frequent praise for displays of generosity tended to act slightly less generous on an everyday basis than other children did. Every time they had heard "Good sharing!" or "I'm so proud of you for helping," they became a little less interested in sharing or helping. Actions of generosity changed from something valuable in their own right to something they had to do to get that reaction again from a grown-up. When acknowledging your child's acts of kindness, be sure to emphasize the feeling rather than the deed. "She smiled when you help open the door. She looked like she appreciated that." 

• While children younger than seven can certainly benefit from many of the ideas we listed, it is important for parents to realize that egocentrism wins over empathy much of the time prior to 7 years of age.
• Developing gratitude is a lifelong process and should continue year round.
• Young and old alike are best able to develop empathy when their five critical needs are met.