True Child Discipline Takes Time

We live in an society that more than ever, has expectations for instant results.

When we want information, we connect on our phone and find the answer. When we need to ask our - spouse, child, mom, friend....(fill in the blank) a question, we text them and get an instant response. We can make instant meals or heat up left-overs in an "instant".

When our child is having a tantrum in the store, we expect to solve it- in a near instant. And if we don't have that expectation, most everyone else in the store at that moment does.

But expecting instant results as far as behavior is concerned is more about managing behavior than is is about guidance.

Guiding children is teaching children.

Teaching involves helping a child develop the skills they need in life to thrive. Teaching and learning continue throughout childhood. So while your child may be screaming uncontrollably in the store, what they need to learn is much more than can be "fixed" in an instant.

The key is to look at the big picture. What need is my child trying to communicate to me? (I want that! I want to go home. I don't like shopping. I'm hungry. I'm tired.) After some thought and observation (which will not be likely today, or in this moment), you can modify the environment and your response to the behavior as well as help your child learn an acceptable way of sharing their feelings and getting their needs met. Your first attempts at teaching and finding a solution may not be successful. It may take several shopping trips before the tantrums are extinguished, but if your goal is a shopping trip sans tantrums, keep problem solving and you and your child will meet that goal. Unfortunately for the other shoppers, it might not be today.

For more information on problem solving behaviors, visit our post on Positive Behavior Support, HITS List, Decoding Misbehavior,  Surviving Tantrums, and Alternatives to Punishment.

Also remember to begin with meeting your child's Five Critical Emotional Needs. Behavior will naturally improve when children have their basic social-emotional needs met.