All Parents Need Support

No parent is perfect, depite expectations of perfection from others. In reality most parents continually strive for excellence. If you asked any parent if they want to be a "good" parent, you would get a "yes" nearly every time. All parents, even those whom others perceive as "bad" or "negligent" parents want to be good parents. What all parents need are a community of supports around them to enable them to "be all that they can be"- as parents. With that said, the kinds of supports parents need varies from parent to parent. First lets take a look at the Five Protective Factors.

The Five Protective Factors are the foundation of the Strengthening Families approach. This approach is based upon evidence that families in which the Five Protective Families are present and robust, are less likely to engage in abusive or neglectful behaviors.



The Five Protective Factors

Some parents may need more information about the social and emotional needs of children. Help in this area may include learning about the Five Critical Emotional Needs and strengthening their skills with positive guidance techniques. Parents who were raised in a household with punitive authoritarian parents will need to re-learn what "good" parenting looks like.

Other parents may need support understanding which behaviors, including misbehavior are a normal process in the stages of development. Parent's with expectations for high compliance can learn to look at the bigger picture and see instances of misbehavior as chances to teach and connect to their child.

Since typical child development time lines don't apply to children with special needs, parents of these children and their caregivers will require extra flexibility, patience and understanding while their children learn the appropriate behaviors.

All parents need the emotional and social supports of those around them. As the saying goes, no man (or woman) is an island. Be sure to truly listen and support parents who open up to you with their parenting challenges and withhold judgement or unsolicited suggestions. Part of improving parenting skills is becoming a student of our own behaviors. Allow parents to talk through their issues. In many cases self-reflection may be enough.

Life in general can be stressful. Dealing with the daily stresses of life, in addition to the challenges parenting often brings can compound the stress parents experience. How parents are able to solve problems, ask for help and build trusting relationships influences their resilience as parents. Remember, all parents need help- but help from someone they trust and feel respected by will make it easier to accept help.

Parents also need access to concrete supports such as food, clothing, shelter so their family's basic needs are met. Other concrete supports may be in the form of drug and alcohol counseling and mental health supports. Parents who are struggling with addictions and mental health issues must help themselves before they can help their children. (Think of the oxygen mask example here.) If parents receive these supports in a way that honors their dignity, parents and their families will be well-served.

All parents need supports.

Let's give parents the supports they need with a spirit of compassion, kindness, consideration and understanding.

Our families, our children, our communities will be well-served by this shift in consciousness.