Parents want to to be successful at parenting and are deeply concerned about their children's well-being. Raising children requires a great deal of time and energy, in addition to other life commitments. "Life happens" as many say. So how can you remain focused on positive parenting with all of the other time and energy concerns that life requires?
According to Dr. Gerald Newmark in his book, "How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children", parents face many obstacles which inhibit their ability to be more effective parents.
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| Feeling overwhelmed? |
Here are some tips Dr. Newmark provides in his book to help parents become more focused at parenting.
Begin by Planning
Time is a limited commodity. Something that is planned is more likely to happen than if it is left to chance or when "free time" develops. Plan for positive parenting by setting aside time to read parenting materials, be it on the web, a blog feed or a book. Learn about Positive Behavior Support and direct your time and energy in with more purpose, learning about when your child's behaviors occur, why it occurs and create some plans to alter the environment or your response to increase your chances of success. Sometimes taking time to plan when you are already feel overwhelmed feels like it will set you back further. But planning is most important when you are feeling overwhelmed. Planning will help you focus your limited time and energy in the areas of highest priority and make you more successful in the end.
Over-seriousness
Let go of perfection. It isn't possible for you or your children. It is important to forgive yourself of your shortcomings, as well as your children for theirs. Be sure to create an atmosphere of fun. Life is always better when there is laughter. When people feel happier, their moods and attitudes (read "behavior") will improve too:)
Unrealistic Expectations
A family is a unit of individuals and conflict and differences in opinions and priorities will occur. If you plan a family activity and it doesn't turn out as you expected, don't stop trying. Success will not be possible each and every time. Spending time as a family is important and is worth working for.
Take Control of Your Life
- Make a list of everything you need to do in the next 90 days (Yes that does sound scary) but it is important to have a "high visual horizon". If the list is long and overwhelming- start crossing of items that are not essential.
- Prioritize & Schedule- Find the items which need to happen in the next 30 days. Circle those items and starting writing an activity onto each day of your calendar for the next 30 days. If there are too many items, again- cross off those items which are not essential and focus on the others. If issues come up and some items don't get completed, readjust your schedule by eliminating those of least importance to make room for those essential tasks.
Create additional time
Dr. Newmark warns about staying up late or getting up very early to complete tasks. Parents need sleep. Lack of sleep will only compound problems about overwhelmed.
- Simplify you life. Examples are combining trips for errands so you are going out less often, unnecessary or long phone calls, agreeing to do something you didn't want to do, multitasking so that many tasks are started but few or none are completed and not setting priorities.
- Do some things less thoroughly or less often.
- Delegate. Ask for help from your parenting partner, children, and extended family. As the pressure eases up on the parents, children feel included in the business of the family in addition to opening up more time for fun.
- Barter i.e. offer to exchange time on your skill set for another family in exchange for time for their skill set.
- Pay for help
- Network with other parents or support groups for social-emotional support.
- Don't Worry (be happy) It sounds easy to say and can be hard to do. Focus your concern on those area in which there is a high-risk along with a high-probability.
- Reduce negative effects of false emergencies, interruptions and distractions.
Ongoing planning
Make plans, prioritize and stay flexible. With a plan, you can parent smarter rather than harder.
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