Raising a Courageous Child

This week in our Parenting in 3 workshop we learned about the Think-Feel-Do Cycle.
How we view ourselves effects how we feel and in turn effects our behavior.
When children try something and fail, what they think about themselves and how they feel will effect whether or not they continue trying.

Children need to learn that in order to succeed they need to keep trying and that failure is normal. As the Michael Jordan quote above explains, continuing to believe in your ability and continuing to try will bring success.

To help children work past a "failure" event our Active Parenting materials suggested these strategies:

Stimulate independence in your child by allowing them to complete tasks they are capable of developmentally. We were challenged in the workshop to make a list of things we currently do for our children that they can do for themselves. Examples might be sorting laundry, folding laundry, putting laundry away. We were also cautioned not to expect perfection as our children will be learning new skills and competency may take time. Our instructor also made it clear that new skills need to be taught. Children don't innately know how to fold clothes, so it that is a task you feel your child is developmentally capable of, offer them many opportunities to learn how to fold clothes with you. We can also stimulate independence by avoiding over protection by allowing our children to experience natural consequences. So if your child breaks a toy due to negligence, you wouldn't replace it or if your child refuses wearing a coat, you do not insist on them wearing one or bring one along- as long as it isn't dangerously cold. The idea is to avoid jumping in and rescuing our children with any and every issue that arises. Minor discomfort and disappointments are valuable learning opportunities for our children which stimulate independence.

Build on your child's strengths by using the BANK method. Breaking tasks into Baby Steps. When teaching your child a new task or skill, work on the project together allowing them to complete an additional step each time. Acknowledge what your child does well and has learned. Nudge them to try the next step. Keep encouraging them by reviewing how much they have improved and how hard they try.

Show confidence in your child. Give your child responsibilities, involve them in family decisions and ask their opinion and advice when appropriate. Expect that your child will be successful and they will feel your unspoken confidence in them.

Value your child today. Appreciate your child's unique abilities and be sure they know how much you love, value and appreciate them no matter what they are able to do and how they behave.

Using the above strategies will help your child develop positive self thoughts and feelings of worth which will help them continue trying and eventually succeed!
Help them build the courage to try!