Children Need to Feel Included

Need to Feel Included

This is the fifth article in a weekly series focusing on "Raising Emotionally Healthy Children". We started by reviewing a summary of the Five Critical Emotional Needs based upon the works of Dr. Gerald Newmark in his book "How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children".

The Five Critical Needs are: the need to feel respected, the need to feel important, the need to feel accepted, the need to feel included, and the need to feel secure.

This week we will focus on children's need to feel included.


Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Just like adults, children need to feel and know that they belong. Love and belonging is level 3 of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. This is why humans join teams, clubs, and even cliques and gangs. If this need is not met at home, children will search outside of the family to get this need met. It is important that children feel included and have a sense of belonging in their family. A child in a strong family is more likely to resist negative outside influences.

Parents can help meet their children's need to be included.

• Spend time together on a regular basis. Share your interests with your children and allow them to share their interests with you. Plan activities that everyone in the family will enjoy. There is a great list in Appendix B of Dr. Newmark's book "How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children". 
• Include your children in your work life. Since work is such an important part of your life, they will feel more connected to you. Describe in detail where you work, what you do, who you work with and how you feel about work. If possible, have them visit your workplace.
• Make an effort to keep open and regular communication with your children. Truly listen to your children and include them in family decisions. Children who are comfortable confiding in their parents will be less likely to turn to other sources to get their emotional needs met. If you family's communications tends to be sporadic and brief, start by setting up weekly family meeting to share feelings, information and experiences.
• Give your children meaningful jobs. Children need to know that their contributions to the family are valued and that responsibility is part of belonging to a family or community.

In summary:  Children need to feel included and connected. If parents are to be positive influences on their children, a stong sense of family community must be developed. This can be accomplished by doing things together and providing children with opportunities to take an active part in family affairs.

Multiple copies of Dr. Newmark's book are available for loan in our Resource Libraries.