1 Parents are resilient in stressful life situations. Parents have a positive attitude, creatively solve problems and are able to address life's challenges without directing their frustration at their children.
2 Parents have social connections which provide them emotional support, encouragement, and assistance in the daily challenges of raising a family.
3 Parents understand how children develop. Parents have realistic expectations of what their children are capable of and have knowledge of positive guidance techniques.
4 Parents have access to resources. Parents need to be connected to resources such as food, clothing, housing, transportation, child care, health care and mental health care.
5 Parents have a nurturing relationship with their children and have developed caring bonds. Children can trust their parents will provide what they need to thrive- including love, acceptance, positive guidance, and protection.
Families with strengths in each of these areas are more likely to be thriving and, in turn, have reduced risks of neglect and abuse.
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| Understanding how children develop is a complex endeavor. |
Focusing on factor 3....knowledge of child development...is a deeply complex area- an area any parent will tell you they can't possibly know everything and can always use new information to sort through the ages and stages of their child's growth. In fact, there is an entire academic program known as "Child Development" focusing on this factor. Educational opportunities in Child Development range from Associates of Art degrees to PhD's. Wow!
Luckily for us parents, resources for child development are widely and often instantly available to us without requiring us to switch professions. We can find child development resources on the web, in magazines, parenting books from the library, brochures, and even experiences and advice shared by peers, family members and your child's care provider. Child care providers often have degrees in Child Development and are a great resource to discuss concerns with, especially since they know your child.
As we know in other areas of life, having a plan is the path to success.
Create a Parenting Plan
Begin by assessing how much information you already have in each of the six areas of child development listed below.
1. Basic information on child development: this is information about how children grow, what they are developmentally capable of at certain ages- not just motor skills and intelligence, but also what they are capable of understanding socially and emotionally. Our agency has a number of fantastic books to take the reader through the lifespan of a child. Although this is termed "basic" it is no less important than knowledge of other areas of child development.If as a parent, you know that toddlers have not yet acquired the ability to share, you will be able to offer other techniques to reduce squabbles rather than insisting they share.
To save time, you can focus on learning about the typical development of your child's current stage, reading ahead to the next stage. Knowledge of basic child development will also give you a new lens in which to view your child's progress, if you notice your child's development doesn't match what is typical, you can bring concerns to your pediatrician. PBS parents has an easy to use interactive child development tracker.
2. Teachable Moments: A teachable moment is an unplanned event during the day that adults can use as a learning opportunity for kids. Teachable moments happen constantly throughout the day and really take careful observation on the part of the parent or adult to take notice of these opportunities. The PBS A Place of Our Own series has two great explanations for teachable moments- teachable moments I, teachable moments II. Also note that teachable moments let the child take the lead. Be careful not to take on the "lecturer" role. The Hanen Program "It Takes Two to Talk" is an excellent resource to begin learning about teachable moments.
3. Modeling and Observation: This area is based upon the Social Learning Theory proposed by Albert Bandura. The basic idea is that we learn by observing. 90% of what children learn is through modeling. Understanding the Social Learning Theory helps us set up healthy environments for our children as well as understanding children learn best by being 'shown how' rather than 'told how'.
It is also important for parent to be close observers of their children's behaviors. Understanding why children are acting a certain way can show us how to meet a need and reduce the misbehavior associated with the unmet need (This is called Positive Behavior Support).
Additionally, observation can help adults and parents cue in on teachable moments.
4. Discipline alternatives: Understanding human behavior is complex, it is important to have an understanding of the many forms of guidance. There is a reason why time outs and punishments are ineffective on the whole- they don't actually meet the child's needs. What form of discipline or guidance you use will depend upon each unique situation. Learn what you can about natural and logical consequences, when to address behavior and when it is best to ignore, when to offer a chance to do it over.
5. Challenging Behaviors: Having the tools to deal with Challenging Behavior is essential. Tying together information learned from Bandura's Social Learning Theory and observation of your child will help you understand why your child is misbehaving. Understand, the same challenging behavior will have different causes in different children and will require different solutions. There is usually never a "one size fits all" to challenging behaviors. It is also very important to maintain time appropriate expectations for change- meaning change does not happen instantly. Behavior changes take time.
5. Techniques: Child Development techniques are the skills used throughout the day when interacting with our children. The more tools or techniques we have the better. Examples of techniques are:
- Kneeling down to speak to your child
- Stating a request in a positive way, such as "Please walk" rather than "Stop running."
- Altering the environment to reduce or improve a behavior. i.e. removing items you don't want children using rather than continually asking them to put the items down.
- Redirecting your child's focus and energy during conflict.
Parents will be more successful overall with techniques when they are familiar with the theories behind them; parents will know when and why to use certain techniques.
Best of all- being familiar with all 6 areas will reveal to parents how complex developing children are- allowing room for self-forgiveness, a necessity for parenting.
Also remember factor 5, parents and children have strong, positive connections
We have covered the topic of connected parenting in multiple blog posts here.......
For a complete list, search using REHC in our blog.
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