Praise Ratios for Children

Psychologist John Gottman maintained he could predict marital success in over 90% of cases based upon observing a 15 minute observation of the husband and wife. Ten years later, the follow-up revealed he had predicted divorce with 94% accuracy for 700 newlywed couples. His secret? Scoring the positive and negative interactions he observed during their 15 minute conversation. Gottman theorized that couples who offered at least 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative reaction had the "magic ratio" for a lasting relationship. Why so many positive interactions to negative? As humans we react to negative experiences more strongly than positive ones. Think about the last time someone complimented you. Now think about the last time someone was rude to you. More often than not, we focus on the negative experience longer.

Other researchers have found a correlation between high ratios of positive to negative interactions have resulted in increased productivity in work teams, increased student outcomes for children and improved child behaviors, by offering each other more positive expressions than negative ones. The field of positive behavior support encourages adults working with children to offer 4:1 - 6:1 ratio of positive to negative feedback.

Why only 6:1? Why not more? Not all negative feedback is bad. Negative feedback is actually necessary because nobody is perfect and mistakes are actually great learning opportunities. Pointing out an error gives us a chance to reteach and give children an opportunity to "make right" and reflect. When giving negative feedback, always do so privately, with love and respect. It can be tempting to provide negative feedback in public at times. For instance, your child rushes the stall at a public restroom and doesn't realize there is a line, ask her to wait and come back and then quietly tell her about the line and waiting. This is more respectful and effective and rather than yelling, "Cassie! Come back here! There's a line."

When offering positive feedback be sure it is timely and specific and it is especially helpful if you can help them see how their action makes a positive influence on others.

Positive Feedback must be:

• immediate
• specific
• sincere
• varied
• individual- it's what's valuable to the child

Remember this ratio works well with anyone and everyone so start looking for the good and let them know you've noticed!