Parenting 0-5: Better Behavior part 1

Alpine First 5 hosted an 8 week parenting series, using Active Parenting curriculum presented by Carol Ledesma of Choices for Children, for parents of children 0-5 years old. This is the second post in the blog series "Parenting 0-5 years" allowing us to share some of the information presented in the sessions with those unable to attend.

Session 6: Better Behavior part 1

Children need rules. Having rules shows children how to behave. 

Reasons to set rules:

• Keep children safe
• Protect other people
• Help children make choices
• Rules make parenting easier

It is important to not make too many rules that children can't remember and that the rules are reasonable. 

Simple rules
Safety (keeping your child safe as well as the safety of others related to your child's behavior)
Responsible (caring your your things and those of the family and others)
Respectful (treating others with kindness and respect)

With younger children, begin with safety and work toward responsibility and respectfulness as they grow. When asking children to follow a "rule" state what you are asking them to do, rather than what you want them to stop. "Please close the door quietly." versus "Don't slam the door." Using a calm and respectful voice is important. Keep in mind that your child will need many reminders over their childhood, with less as they grow older. Encourage good behaviors by noticing and commenting when your child is being safe and following the rules. "Thank you for shutting the door quietly."

When-Then Rule
Using this technique may help your child complete an undesirable task. 
When-then allows your child something to look forward to after they complete the task. 
It is different than a bribe in how it is presented. 
"When you put on your coat when can go out and swing." rather than "We can go out and swing if you put on your coat." or "You can't go outside and swing until you put on your coat." The first approach puts the decision and safe power in the child's hands rather than resorting to begging or coercion. 
Tone of voice is especially important. It should be friendly and firm rather than antagonistic.

Stopping a behavior
When you what your child to stop a behavior start by acknowledging and accepting their feelings. Remind them of the rule and then offer another choice that might help meet the need or wish in an acceptable way. 
"I know you want to throw the ball. We throw balls outside. Would you like to go outside and play ball?"
If she continues to throw the ball inside, you may have to gently take the ball and motion toward the door making a visual choice- in contrast to grabbing the ball and putting away. If she still doesn't choose to play outside you can put the ball up with an offer to play outside when she is ready.

More techniques on guiding behavior......

Remember guidance takes time. Be patient with yourself and your child.