Parenting 0-5: Why Kids Misbehave

Alpine First 5 hosted an 8 week parenting series, using Active Parenting curriculum presented by Carol Ledesma of Choices for Children, for parents of children 0-5 years old. This is the second post in the blog series "Parenting 0-5 years" allowing us to share some of the information presented in the sessions with those unable to attend.

Session 5: Why Kids Misbehave

Children misbehave for many reasons. Young children have a harder time self-regulating themselves. Consequently, when Hungry, Tired, Ill or Stressed, they may misbehave. We call this the H.I.T.S. list. Misbehavior due to one of these reasons are relatively easy to correct. Feed, comfort and care for your child, allow them an opportunity to rest and decompress. 

Care for Tantrums
It may take a little care and finesse to help your child through a tantrum once they have lost control. 

• Stay calm
• Stay nearby
• Talk gently
• Hold your child gently if they want it
• Do not give into what he wants to keep him from yelling and screaming.

Once he is calmer, allow a safe-small choice to transition out of the tantrum. This may be related to meeting one of the needs on the H.I.T.S. list. If hungry, offer a choice of food. If tired, offer options related to a nap, etc.

Always be mindful of the H.I.T.S. list, preventing any of the triggers, whenever possible by anticipating needs and providing before your child has reached their maximum coping abilities. 

4 Goals of Misbehavior
Generally, when a child misbehaves, they are trying to get a need met but going about it in an unacceptable manner..."misbehavior". If misbehavior is unrelated to any of the items on the H.I.T.S. list, a bit more detective work is needed.

Use the chart above to find out what need your child may actually trying to get met as well as a positive way to respond. 

Time to Transition
Also remember to allow your young child plenty of time to transition from one activity to another. Young children may have a difficult time stopping one activity (especially a desirable one) and moving onto another activity. The time and techniques needed for successful transitions will vary with your child's age as well as temperament. 

For more information on why kids misbehave and how to deal with tantrums visit our posts:
Create Positive Behavior Change
Decoding Misbehavior
Kicking and Screaming- Surviving Tantrums
Helping Children with Transitions

For more information on the 4 mistaken goals check-out:
"Redirecting Children's Behavior" by Kathryn J. Kvols
and "Positive Discipline" by Dr. Jane Nelsen