Getting Family On-Board With Your Parenting Style

So often problems within extended families arise from the differences family members have about raising children. Grandparents may readily share with parents how their children lack discipline, are impolite, spoiled, fill in the blank_________. Some parents are able to adjust to the criticism without difficulty. However, when parents aren't able to handle the comments, relationships can begin to degrade as the comments continue.

Grandparents and other extended family members can add a richness to the lives of the young children in the family- such as affection, family history, storytelling, tutoring, advice, sharing special skills and knowledge, family celebrations, and gifts. Keeping in mind that children benefit from strong, healthy relationships with extended family members- it is important to address these differences by sharing feelings and listening to each other. 

In his book "How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children" by Dr. Gerald Newmark suggests family feedback sessions between parents and extended family members once or twice a month.
He suggests the following guidelines for having a productive meeting:

• Remember, each member of the family- parents, grandparents and children all have the same five critical emotional needs. Be sure to honor these needs in the family member you are meeting with.
• The point of the feedback session is to learn where the other person is coming from and share where you are coming from. There should be no thoughts of  "winning" or being "right".
• Understand that all parties mean well. Each member wants what is best for the children.
• Accept that each member has a right to their opinion- even if you disagree. Be sure the other party feels you have really listened. Once they have felt heard, you can share your viewpoints. Try to listen more than you speak.
• In the end, the parent is the one who will decide if there will be change. With that said, as a parent, at the end of the session, express appreciation for the feedback- and if possible what the result will be. While you may not always agree with grandparents or change anything based upon their feedback- realize there will indeed be times that this feedback may help you make positive change. Keep an open mind.

Multiple copies of Dr. Newmark's book are available for loan in our Resource Libraries.

For more information visit- The Children's Project website.